Winter

...in the ozarks

Home, Sweet Home.

Soon to come!

Soo... I made a new blog.  This one is about my life.  My new blog is about the things I make up in my brain.  Please enjoy... if you want to...

This is it!

Oh goodness...

A very good offer has come my way... Though, we weren't wanting another dog.  I would'nt mind an outside dog, ONLY an outside dog...  And just LOOK at those eyes! 

 

Well, what do you think? Should I say yes?

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Gah! I have NO idea what to name this poor excuse for a blog! Any ideas??

20 hours away is too far....

I am having friend withdrawls....

About a year and a half ago, Charlie and I encountered 2 very amazing people.  I don't know how it happend so fast, but we really clicked with them well, enough that I would say they were and still are the best friends we have ever had.  They are just down right amazing people!  Since then they have added a beautiful little girl to their family and I couldn't be more sad that I haven't met her yet.  I know that they most likely have a ton of other friends and a lot of other people consider them their best friends, but you know, thats alright.  I am still incredibly grateful that I have had the privlage to have them in our lives.

Thank you so much Scott and Jenna.  I don't think you guys know how much you have upifted our little family.

Gus is very large and in charge.

I cut my hair! And colored it... but I'm not sure if I like the color yet... I think I may go back to dark brown, oh well, time will tell.  

Pictures to come in near future.

Rain

Don't you just love a rainy day?  I absolutly adore them... 

I was thinking, would anyone like to come over to play games, drink hot chocolate, eat home-made salsa and get to know us better?  We are pretty cool people, who make pretty good salsa. 

Also, I cried watching Conan O'Brian last night.  I never thought I would EVER say that... I have been watching him for years now, I really hope he finds something with another network.  Team Coco all the way.

flapjack.

Our life just keeps taking so many different turns.  Charlie got the opportunity to go to school instead of join the air force as a grunt.... So, now Charlie is going to school and getting his BS... THEN he is joining the air force, in like, 4 years.  So, Springfield, we are here to stay! For now anyway.

This new development has put a damper on some of my plans of "walking away" from things I don't like here.  I guess I am just going to have to face them head-on and learn to live with them.  So that certain someone and particular situation I really despise is just going to have to be lived with... ugh, don't you just hate dealing with uncomfortable situations?

Now that everyone knows EXACTLY what I am talking about, I am going to change the subject...

I am very ready for spring... oh, delicious spring.

I am going to start shopping for Chickens.  Chickens that will lay eggs in the coop in my yard... or in bushes... or wherever they feel the need to lay eggs...

And, I am going to sew this dress.

Also, I would like to start having a game night once a month with friends.  Anyone up for it?

The end.

This morning...

I woke up craving the outdoors this morning... In fact, since it is above freezing, maybe we will go to Busiek...

finally!

I have gone through a ton of changes with my blog, but the final layout is here! thanks for the patience...

Thats some good pie ya'll!

Sara Zahn loves her some Paula Deen.

Because everything is better with butter.

Thank you!

For those of you who helped- Thank you so much!

I looked through all of the suggestions and I believe I have come across the ONE I like the best :) And! It is in my price range!  So now I have ultra incentive! 135 lbs here I come!

help!

I have 2 months until I will celebrate my 3 year anniversary :)

So, with that said... I have two months to lose 20 more lbs.  If I reach my goal, I am going to reward myself and get all dolled up with a new dress and heels.  I am a Huge fan of a classy, black dress and red lipstick look... but i have no idea where to even begin looking for ideas.  So, I am asking or help... I grew up only shopping two times a year, and even then I only bough jeans and t-shirts... So I am not good at the whole shopping thing AT ALL.  Please help me :S Anyone have any ideas??

Autumn's Birthday!  Yay!

This cake took me 4 hours (at least) to make. And it was SO worth it.

In other news, I have offically swept the last bit of Christmas out the door.  It feels amazing to have the cabin feeling clean and ready for spring.  Which, with it being 0 outside, I am SO ready for spring.

January is here as well, so the dreaded resolutions have decided to poke their heads into my life yet again.

I am not good a resolutions, but this year I think I smell the winds of change knocking at my door.

Here is what 2010 has in store for Sara Zahn:

1. Finally hit my wieghtloss goal ( 40 lbs down, 25 lbs to go)

2. Hubby will join the airforce, thus causing our little family to pack up and move.

3. We are taking a trip to the Florida Keys to do some camping and ocean swimming :)

4. I WILL make new friends ( I haven't done this for three years...) Go me!

5. I am going to do A LOT more sewing/knitting/baking, you know, the creative stuff.

6. Lastly, yet most importantly, I am going to kick my "severe depression/anxiety" out the window, I am sick and tired of it and I am ready for a very new me.

So, 2010 here I come!

And, to start things off right, anyone want to come over to our place for a game night? There will be free food :D

Today is the Day!

It's Snowing!!!  

Your Invited!

What: Autumn's Birthday + Sledding + Hot Chocolate + CAKE! = Coolawesomefuntime

Who: Anyone and everyone who can make it to our home

When:  3:30 to whenever the snow melts

Where: Tiny Town

            1601 E 562nd Rd.

             Brighton, MO 65617

Wo0t.

This will be a pretty long post so please bear with me and feel free to stop reading if you get bored... Not that anyone actually reads my blog... 

I was completely spoiled this year! I am so excited about everything I got that I feel the strong urge to put it on here:

 

 

My dear husband got me the MSR Dragonfly backpacking stove and fuel bottle, a Gerber Clutch multi-tool, Carefree Clothes for Girls pattern book, a Nalgene water bottle (that doesn't break, even if you run it over with a car....), and both Charlie and I got a 14 gallon fish aquarium  that we are slowly putting together, Geoff gave us a whole load of Sandalwood incense and my parents got us the the Magic Bullet ( I have yet to use it, but I am VERY excited)

Ontop of all this, I got A LITTLE candy a lot of healthy snacks in my stocking... I guess Santa got the memo that I am trying to get back into shape:)

That reminds me,  my Christmas present to myself was... I am now at 155 lbs!! :D oh happy day!

I hope everyone had an amazing holiday! Happy New Year!

Thank you

 Thank you Heavenly Father for my precious ones.  They are my joy and happiness.

I love you Autumn Jane and Liam Robert, forever and ever.

Christmas Wish List

I figured since everyone is putting down there wish lists on their blogs, I might as well join the crowd.

Here is my wish list for Christmas:

1.  I want Charlie to get into school.

2.  I want to finish Liam's stocking by Christmas eve.

3.  I want to finish all the presents I am making for everyone by at LEAST the day before Christmas eve.

4. 50 extra bucks to buy the last couple of presents I want to get Charlie.

5.  I want to have time to bake goodies for everyone.

6. I want people to actually like the goodies I make for them.

7. I want Liam to sleep through the night.

8. I want Charlie to like what I got him for Christmas. 

9. I want snow, and lots of it.

10. I want to be able to stay active and continue losing weight.

11. I want to get my Christmas cards out... preferably BEFORE Christmas.

12. I want a goat to eat the brush on our land.

13. I want Steve and Emily to come up with a responisble thing to do with their dog.

14. I want the scars on my legs to disappear. 

15. I want a nice evening with my husband that includes hot chocolate no screams from the kids.

And finally, I would like everyone in my family to be stress free and happy this Holiday season.

This is my wish list! Even if I was to only get a few of these things, I would be happy :)

Cheers and Happy Holidays.

Christmas is almost here...

Seriously? 

I have so much to do.  So many presents to make.  So much to bake. 

A fresh start

I am feeling better.  The pain is still there, but I can smile when I think about my Lilly..

That is all I am going to say about that, I realize that life goes on and I need to keep going too. :)

Here's the latest news:

1. Liam is awesome.

2. Autumn is starting to put sentences together... weird.

3. We got a new little puppy.  She is a pug, we have decided *for now* to call her Sage.

       - Charlie and I did not replace Lilly.  We just decided to add a new friend full of happiness and new beginnings.  The way we see it is, why cry alone when you can cry with a new friend?

4. I started off my "lose weight" adventure at 195 (right before I had Liam) I am now 170.  :D I feel really good and am excited to reach my goal.

Liam and Sage 

please bring me needed comfort.

This is really hard.  I am only forcing myself to do this because I believe it will help this massive lump in my stomach to start to go away...

For three years, I have had a little shadow named Lilly.  She has been my constant companion and very best friend (besides my husband) since the day she was brought into my life.  She was the best dog anyone could ever ask for and I don't know if I will ever go a day without remembering her and the joy she brought into my life.  She wasn't just a dog, she was that laugh you needed when you were blue, she was the comfort I needed when I felt alone, she was our camping companion in any weather, she was my Lilly.  I love you Lilly. I always will.  Please wait for me on the other side, I promise to rub your belly for the rest of eternity if you do.

Alas, October has left us...

What an amazing week! We moved last week, it was exhausting as all get-out.... but this week made up for it completely.  Here is a picture of the cabin we moved into...

The week started off on Sunday with the annual pumpkin carve at Geoff and Kelly's house. It went awesome, I love halloween. Everyone's pumpkin looked amazing and I was pretty happy with the way mine turned out.

Here are the pumpkins:

Geoff did his usual "Caution Man" pumpkin and also threw in a one-up mushroom. Both awesome.

Charlie did this AMAZINGLY good pumpkin, he always impresses with his artistic ability.

This just make me laugh, Steve and Emily pulled out an awesome bird (which got cooked by its own candle) and, well, that the other one I don't know what to call...

Kelly made a pumpkin town, it was le super cool.

Lastly, I decided to make a scarecrow this year, I think it turned out pretty neat :).

Okay, so we carved pumpkins... what else happened.....

Oh yeah...

This boy was born! 


Yet another reason to LOVE October.  He is amazing.  I couldn't imagine a more special person than this little guy.  Autumn is at grandma and grandpa's... I can't wait for my two favorite people to meet :)

I miss my little girl so much that I think I will put a fall picture up of her too. 

Halloween or no Halloween...

I need some input.  We just moved ourselves into a cabin out in basically the "Middle of Nowhere".  We are living in an awesome place that would look amazing if I decorated for halloween.  But who would I be decorating for?  We won't be getting any trick-or-treaters and I am not having a party...   

Yet, this is my FAVORITE holiday.   I love it.  It would be a shame not to decorate... I am stuck, what should I do? 

Drooling

over these books...

Make Good Books

I most especially want this one... I would make EVERY single piece in this book. 

So, so dang adorable.

GOALS! so exciting :D

I have finished all of my "Pre-Baby" goals!!!!

1. I made a mobile

2. I made a baby sling

3. I made his quilt/bedding

4. I taught myself how to knit

5. I knitted a super-soft-alpaca-yarn-gray-gnome hat!!

I will post pictures of everything as soon as I find my camera batteries...

I feel awesome! Usually projects (especially those of the crafty kind) are my biggest downfall. I start them, then I get stressed out, stress leads to anxiety and then I find that I never finish it only to tell myself I was better off not doing it in the first place. I know, I'm sad. But I did it this time! I am so proud of myself, that I am ready to name my final, GRAND FINALE, goal......\

I am going to lose 60 lbs.

I can finish things, I know I can, so now I am going to get my life back into gear. From the time I got pregnant with Autumn until now (9 months pregnant with Liam) I have gained about 30 lbs extra weight to what I usually am used to. I feel like crap! I am supposed to be 21 years old and I feel like I am in the worst shape of my life. Losing 60 lbs is going to get me down to my "this is what I have always wanted to be" shape. I will be 125 lbs and feeling awesome! I am way stoked.

I start after Liam is born, but I have been planning this in my head for about the past 9 months now. It is going to be a LONG journey, but I know I can do it (especially if I have help and support from everyone around me!)

So, when this baby comes, it TRULY is a new chapter in my life.
And, to top it all off... I have a prize waiting me at the end of the tunnel...

SHOPPING SPREE FOR NEW CLOTHES! I have talked it over with Charlie and he agreed to let me use part of our tax refund (which is going to be awesome thanks to my two kids :D ) to get myself a new wardrobe when the time comes... considering I wont fit into ANYTHING that I own right now.

I am so excited! I will keep everyone posted on here, not because I think you are all super interested, but because it will help me keep going.

So for now, I am pregnant and will enjoy a bowl of ice cream (I'm 9 months along! I have to have something to make me feel better ;) ) But in just a little while, I will be on my way. Awesome Opossum.

costumes!

I am going to be Juno or a witch for Halloween, I am not sure...That is, if I am still pregnant.... I am sort of hoping I am not. But if I am, maybe I can hope to have him on halloween, that would be awesome.

So that Others May Live

I would follow my husband to the end of the earth if he asked me to so I guess this next decision he is going to make shouldn't be hard for me to just go with...

Liam is due in a few weeks and after that, we are moving into Dad's cabin for a total of 6 months, after that Robert (Charlie) is going to be heading off to boot camp for the Air Force. I am not scared about the Air Force, in fact I am excited to be finally making a step forward in our lives with schooling and finances. The idea of traveling and experiencing new things sounds enticing and I am ready for it. The part that has me uneasy is he has decided that the job he would like to do is Pararescue.

Pararescue is in simpler terms this:
Provide emergency medical treatment necessary to stabilize and evacuate injured personnel while acting in an enemy evading recovery role. Pararescuemen also act as aircrew gunners and scanners on fixed and rotary wing aircraft while performing flight following duties. In addition, pararescuemen provide contingency landing sites for NASA missions.

They are the most severely trained men in the entire US Military. The training is 2 years and is known as "Superman School", or "The Pipeline". The training is so demanding that the drop out rate is usually around 90%. They learn everything from the simple things, like jumping out of planes and medical treatments, to the more difficult things like learning how to not fear death by actually letting yourself hold your breath until you pass out under water. These are the guys you see in movies pulling injured military guys out of combat or out of sinking ships. They are the 911 of the Military. Any member or any service goes down, they call the USAF Pararescue. Women are not allowed to become them and most men don't make it. The trouble is...
I think Charlie could.


I am not a ninny, I will not expect my husband to sit behind a desk just so I can make sure he comes home safe every night. I am married to him for time and all eternity and I know that is NOT going to change. I want him, (as I expect him to let me) to not only enjoy, but experience life as much as he can while he is here to do it. If becoming a hero so "That Others May Live" is what he wants, then sweet heart, I will be by your side till the end.
...
Yet, I am scared out of my mind.

Life seems so fragile when put into this perspective.

I would like to think of myself as a strong woman, but, a lot of things make me feel so week. I need to work on that.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
In other news, I am still huge and pregnant. This time around is so uncomfortable, if all else I want it to be done so I can at least sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time. I canceled my baby shower for a couple of reasons. One main reason being that my mother has a lot on her plate right now and I didn't want her to worry about it, another being I didn't want to make people come to something they really didn't want to be at. I know, it is just because of my depression, but I just feel really friendless at this moment in time...
I hope people come to the hospital this time to see my new little boy... With Autumn, it felt like such a beautiful thing was washed away with a lot of anxiety and sadness. She was in the NICU for 14 days, 14 long, hard, sleepless days. No balloons or "It's a girl" posters, just two very scared parents watching nurses poke her with needles and fill her with tubes. I hope with all my might that my experience this time is more bright, less drama, more happiness. The birth of my little girl was one the best days of my life, I just wish it could have felt more like that for other people as well.

Until the day comes when I am being taken to the Labor and Delivery unit, I will be spending my time packing, baking, making a quilt, chasing a toddler, cleaning and worrying way, way too much about the future.

home alone

Well, Autumn is at grandma's and so I am home alone with nothing to do but sleep and work on Liam's nursery. I am starting to get very anxious, but I know things will work out well in the end. I have finished his mobile, so I am in the middle of doing the quilt. It is the first quilt I have ever done, and ontop of that I have made the entire thing up, from drawing out the patterns on construction paper to painting the fabric my mom gave me to be the print I want. I am feeling quite creative I guess. When I get it done, I'll post pictures...

I am 33 weeks today... It is weird to think I have about 4 weeks left until I am as far along as I was when Autumn was born. There is still so much to do!

We are moving into the Cabin. I am excited, yet I am a little uncertain at how much I am actually going to be allowed to make it my home. We'll see I guess.

7 weeks and counting...

Since when does time fly by fast when you are pregnant??

I am starting to get really nervous about the coming of my little boy... Most everything is NOT done and ready for him and I only have about a month and a half until he could be here. I have a mobile to make, a swing to recover and paint, a changing table to restore and paint, a quilt to make, and on top of that I have a toddler that needs attention as well. Can I add about 3 months to this pregnancy thing? It is so strange to feel rushed about a baby coming, with Autumn I was ready to get her here as soon as I hit 6 months. Crazy.

new post

90 days.

Beautiful weather.

I will have trouble making a better jack-o-lantern than last year.

I wish I could snap my fingers and make Autumn's teeth stop hurting.

My feet are swollen.

I miss having friends.

My thoughts are working overtime today.