sarajane

I woke up this morning with a lot of quiestions floating in my brain. Usually its a song or something... so I was feeling slightly anxious. It through me straight into one of my "list-making" moods. So, out came the steno pad and the pen.

I feel incomplete. I have yet to figure out why. Out of the 5 lists I wrote this morning of goals and to-dos, I still feel that tug of things missing. I guess its just a weird feeling being at my parents house pregnant with my second kid, watching my little girl run around. I am 21 years old. I graduated highschool in 2006... now as I come to the end of 2009 I am the mother of two who spends her free time cleaning house, reading and making stockings for my children. I have come a long way from 2006 when I ate at Denny's with friends at 1:00 in the morning, worked all the time and spent most of my time riding jet skies or starting things on fire. Weird.

Yet, what is so un-fulfilling about being a wife and mom? There couldn't be anything more rewarding... I am still confused at this void I have hanging over my head today.

Here is the list I made of goals for my soul:

Things to do for my insides:

1. Increase my knowledge of things
a. go back to school
b. read books more often that don't involve wizards or rabbits...
c. pay closer attention to my suroundings

2. Get a hobbie
a. something worth the time
b. something that makes me happy

3. Make a friend.
a. other than my husband and kids...

This is just the top of the list... I would hate to bore the few people that actually read this thing. As you can see I have some work to do to fill in some gaps. I believe the hardest thing will be to make a friend... I am not good at it, I think its because I am kind of a hard person to like, people seem skeptical of me. But alas, I need a bosom friend and I need one bad, I fear I am too lonely for my own good.

Until then, I will resort to ice cream to fill in the gaps of my soul. Its creamy-smoothness seems to fill it in well.

On a different note... This is a picture of my at 10 months old. For those of you who know what autumn looks like, it is kinda creepy...