Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Lessons...

There is so much on my mind this fine morning that I can't really figure out where to start...

I don't know if it has been the pregnancy hormones or even just the heat that has had me in a sour mood the past couple of days. I have been on this, "poor, pitiful me" kick. It has put me into such a disgusting state of mind that I haven't been able to find happiness in much of anything. Most of the time I found myself being jealous or sad because of things that I don't or didn't get to have in my life. I thought about not having a wedding or a dress... or the fact that my ring was the cheapest thing we could find that wasn't made of plastic. I got stuck on thinking about not being able to decorate my nursery with beautiful furniture, or pick out clothes for my little girl from the store. I thought about clothes and how I haven't been shopping since I was in high school or how much I would love to be able to go on a date with my husband that didn't involve scrimping and saving to get 75 cent legs from Buffalo Wild Wings... All of these thoughts, these materialistic, selfish, disgusting thoughts were swimming around in my head making me a very materialistic, selfish and disgusting person. Not only did it effect me, it effected my family as well.
Well, to put it as blunt as I can, I will never let myself slip into a rut like this again. I truly do enjoy my life and I have no excuse for the way I have been lately. True, my family and I make sacrifices, but in many ways those sacrifices have made my life more beautiful and rewarding than it ever could have been.
I get to be a stay at home mom because we don't spend our money frivolously on things that we don't need. We don't spend money on the movies, going out to eat, or having TV... Instead we go hiking and camping spending time together outdoors. Things that people have made necessities turn out to be almost burdensome objects that turn people against the simple things in life and in my opinion I am lucky to not have to deal with that. I make a lot Autumn dresses and I was able to make my house a home without spending any money on store bought decor. I am proud of myself and my life.
True, I could have gone into debt on a wedding and a dress. I could have picked out a ring with a nice rock on it for all to see... But where would that have got me? It would have given me a story about the day I spent too much money to show off to a bunch of people that I don't even really know. To me, my husband and being sealed together was the important part and that makes me feel more beautiful than anyone ever could feel standing in a big white dress.
My clothes smell like the wind because I wash and dry them outside. My house is peaceful because instead of a TV blaring I can hear my little girl singing. I don't need my husband to take me out for me to feel important... sitting on the front porch swing at night is enough. I am blessed. Even with all the money in the world, my life couldn't be more rich.

8 comments:

Scotty and Jenna said...

Oh Sara! I wish you were here so that we could cheer each other up. I loved this. You're such a good example to me. Thanks for the reminder that money isn't most important.

alicejaney said...

I feel a little sad

csazahn said...

Mom :( It's not meant to be sad. It is meant to be happy :D

alicejaney said...

Ok Charlie, Sad is not the correct statement...I am happy..and I hope Sara's happiness continues for ever and ever..she has always, well most of always been a shining star with a voice that makes people cry (with joy) and very funny...L love you very much Sarajane, Your mother

~LiSsA~ said...

Annette was the same way about being simple and enjoying the little things in life. People loved her for it and she became known for it. That is part of the reason she and my Mom bonded so much I think. That is also a huge reason that Annette just LOVED you, she told me so many times. There is nothing wrong with being practical. The Prophet is always telling us to simplify. You have a good life, but it's hard to remember sometimes when everything everywhere tells us we should want more more more STUFF!

PEEPS said...

Sara, I love your family, and think they are adorable! I still remember when you showed me your wedding ring. I thought it was so full of meaning, and that it was amazing that you and Charlie chose to build your life on the gospel. When all is said and done, people remember our character far beyond the type of clothes we wear. I hope I can be humble and un-materialistic like you:)

giraffe said...

Hey Sara.

Ha ha. You are poor. Ha ha!
I bet you wish you had my super-cool truck bed cover in my back yard. I need to sell it. If you could buy it from me then it would prove that you are cool!

csazahn said...

Hey Geoff,

What would I ever do with a truck bed cover?
I don't need to be cool to be okay with myself.